Codependency - And How To Reclaim Your Life
Codependency is a pattern of behavior where we prioritize the needs of others over our own, often at great personal cost. It’s a form of self-sacrifice that can deeply affect every aspect of our well-being, emotionally, mentally, and even physically. While codependency is often linked to situations involving addiction, it can also arise in other circumstances, such as adapting to a family member’s mental illness, personality disorder, or challenging work environment.
At its core, codependency can be described as an “over-adaptation to an unhealthy situation.” In this pattern, we may lose touch with our own needs, emotions, and identity as we focus entirely on managing another person’s feelings, behaviors, or life choices. Without realizing it, we can become consumed by the desire to fix, control, or save someone we care about, leaving our own life unattended.
When we’re caught in the cycle of codependency, it’s easy to see ourselves as the responsible and sane one in the relationship. We believe that by helping or rescuing, we’re doing the right thing. But this obsession with another person’s life, however well-intentioned, can be just as harmful as the addiction or behavior we’re trying to manage. In trying to control or save someone else, we show a lack of respect for the other and we lose sight of our own well-being and our ability to live our own life.
I know this struggle all too well. For years, I grappled with codependency stemming from a difficult family situation. I thought I was holding things together for everyone else, but in reality, I was falling apart. It wasn’t until my daughter told me I had become a “hollow ghost” that I realized how deeply my coping mechanisms were affecting not only me but my loved ones as well. That moment was a turning point, a wake-up call that something had to change.
I came to understand that reclaiming my own life wasn’t just an act of self-care; it was an act of love for my family and myself. By focusing on reclaiming my life and let go of my obsession, I could show up more authentically for the people I care about, without losing myself in the process.
The journey out of codependency isn’t easy, but it is possible. For me, the 12 Steps were a lifeline. Through that program, I found not only the tools to heal but also a sense of community and shared understanding. Today, I look back on those difficult times with gratitude, as they helped me grow in very precious ways. I still at times have a relapse in my codependency but I now know where to turn to find my balance and serenity.
As a counselor and coach, I draw from my personal journey and the transformative tools of Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) to support clients navigating the challenges of codependency. ACT aligns beautifully with the principles of the 12-step program and have many similarities, together they create a powerful framework for healing and growth. I understand how isolating and overwhelming codependency can feel, and my goal is to help you reclaim your sense of self and live a more balanced, fulfilling life. While therapy offers valuable insights and practical strategies, I also encourage exploring 12-step programs or similar support groups. There’s profound healing in connecting with others who truly understand your struggles and finding strength in shared experiences.
You deserve to live a life that is fully your own, a life where you are present, fulfilled, and free to grow. This is also the greatest gift you can give to the ones you love and to the world. If you’re ready to take the first step toward reclaiming your life, I’m here to walk alongside you on this journey.
